dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
