apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
two words...techno handjob
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
