would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
