cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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