I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
