i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Come see our sink grown plant.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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