So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
