If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
