Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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