i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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