She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
