you're like a bully in the Christmas story
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
