How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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