you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
