I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my being single is dangerous.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
