Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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