This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Your shirt... Was in my pants
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
