Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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