she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
