He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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