yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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