something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
