then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
