Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
God gave him joint rollers for hands
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
