he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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