I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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