in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Randomize
