Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
