I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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