i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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