I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
