Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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