i already hear my dad disowning me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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