I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
