ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
