I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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