I could make wine with my vomit
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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