im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
