I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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