My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize