jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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