Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize