Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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