I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
