got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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