Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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