whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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