well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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