So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
