I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
