There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
