So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
