i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
