does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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