I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
