in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
