I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
