This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
