I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
