dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
