i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize