...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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