i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
