at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
