remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
