I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We left an ass print on the piano.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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