the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
