u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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