So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
