my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
