my mouth tastes like poor choices
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
we're so committed to being not committed
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
