I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
do nipples grow back?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize