The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
