I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
